Wildlife of Hell Bent #4

Posted: January 29, 2017 in Uncategorized

Good afternoon, and welcome to another edition of Wildlife of Hell Bent, with Dr. Serena Taylor! Today, we will follow the habits of the Pacifistic Ginger Yoga Monkey in her natural habitat.

Sure enough, Serena stood outside of the Lotus Yoga Studio, preparing to go in and talk to the half-monkey in question. However, the lights were out and the studio itself appeared empty.

Or perhaps not in her natural habitat… It would appear that she has proven to be more elusive than originally anticipated.

Serena sulked to herself, pulling a small packet of catnip from her lab coat pocket. She opened the packet and sprinkled a bit of it on her tongue. Enjoying the new hit of ‘nip, she almost didn’t notice the slim figure sauntering past her, a freshly purchased bottle of vodka in her hand. Ivy knew that Serena was there, and hoped that she wouldn’t notice her.

An unexpected treat…the Vodka-Soaked Telepathic Assassin has made an appearance!


With that, Ivy began to run along the sidewalk, not once dropping the bottle. Really, she wouldn’t have minded being the subject of one of Serena’s little documentaries were she asked beforehand. But she wasn’t. And she was fairly certain that she could outrun her…

Little did she know that Serena was surprisingly quick when she ran in heels. A fact that she cursed when the cat-lady caught up to her. And before she could dodge, she was tackled to the ground with a yelp.

The Vodka-Soaked Telepathic Assassin, it should be noted, is quick. She might be quicker were she more aerodynamic. That feat could be accomplished were she to pull her voluminous hair back, or just outright hack it off.

“Bitch, you touch my hair, and I’m gonna have some horrible things to explain to your sister!”

This specimen is also known to address people as “bitch” when starting off a sentence. Not necessarily out of anger, but because of what can be seen as a distinct lack of education.

Ivy rolled her eyes. “Okay, Serena…are you looking to get your ass kicked one day? Because I’m not gonna stand for these insults from y— HEY!”

Serena had grabbed one of her arms and twisted it behind her back.

This is not a creature to be provoked, of course. She has been known to lash out at any that provoke her.

Serena soon found herself being flung into a wall by a force of telekinetic energy. Ivy rose to her feet, rubbing that one arm.

“Yeah, I lash out when people provoke me. Like you just did.”

An honest mistake.

“That wasn’t a mistake. You meant to do that. I could read your mind, remember?!”

And this is where the “Telepathic” part of her moniker comes into play. She also possesses telekinesis, which packs quite a punch.

Ivy smirked and opened the bottle, taking a hefty swig of the vodka inside.

“And right here? That’s where the “vodka-soaked” part comes from. If you wanna ask about the assassin part, give me a few minutes and let me grab my sword. If you want a demonstration…well, you’d better find a proper target for me, hm?”

…Would you like to do the narration for this yourself?


Well, tough! I am the documentarian here! I DO THE NARRATION!

“Aw, now, don’t start foaming at the mouth, Serena…just come down from the ‘nip high, alright? I know, it might leave you with a hangover, but—“


“…Then why do you smell like catnip?”

Because I am the goddess of the nip, my friend! A GODDESS!

Ivy blinked in surprise, soon shrugging and walking away. The battery on Serena’s camera ran out just as she tried to chase her once more.


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