Friday the 13th (2009)

Posted: January 13, 2017 in Uncategorized

Hey! So, first horror review. I have to admit, this is new territory for me. See, I’m TERRIBLE at being critical of movies and such…unless it’s in a genre I dislike. In which case, I will nitpick like one wouldn’t believe. But most horror films I’ve watched don’t tend to awaken my mean streak, so…yeah. Bear with me here, alright? And to be honest, it may be more summary than anything else.

I also don’t tend to be disturbed by too many movies. The last times I remember flinching during horror films were 1) the first time I saw Hostel. It didn’t help that there was marinara sauce involved, on my part…I was also a bit younger then and have since gotten past that. 2) Audition. Holy SHIT, those last 20 minutes…I should rematch it someday. and 3) Saw V…seriously, the sound of bones crunching is what did it. I’ve since been able to sit through that one without flinching, as well.

So, why do horror reviews if it’s a genre that I love and have a hard time picking out the flaws? It’s one of the biggest inspirations for my series. And since today is Friday the 13th, I figured I’d start off with the iconic slasher by that name!

However, my copy of the original Friday the 13th has gotten horribly scratched over time and it didn’t get through the first two minutes without incident. So, I decided to go for the remake instead.

Yeah, yeah, I know that the remake of something almost always pales in comparison to the original, but I personally find this one to be interesting in its own way.

It starts off in 1980, with Pamela Voorhies (the killer in the original, of course) chasing down the lone survivor of Camp Crystal Lake…and being decapitated as her son watches. And then we cut to the present, with a group of twenty (or thirty) somethings…erm, teenagers. Yes, go with “teenagers”, here, out to do some camping, screwing, weed-collecting… Y’know, the usual for these sorts of movies. When one has seen enough of these types of movies, they know for damn sure that 99% of this group isn’t making it out of there alive. And since they turn up in the first few minutes of the film, it’s not even a guarantee that there’d be a Final Girl. After all, it’s entirely possible for someone to come along, investigate the mass murder scene, and kick off the real story of the movie.

Well, in this case, there IS one girl in the first group that survives (Whitney, played by one Amanda Righetti), and that is only because she reminds Jason of a younger version of his mother. And since Jason is basically the biggest mama’s boy I’ve seen in a horror movie since Norman Bates, he ends up keeping her for himself.

And that is what leads us to the second group, six or so weeks later. It’s yet another one out for a good time, heading to a cabin by a rather familiar lake. Because that’s never gone wrong at all in the history of film. Especially in the slasher sub-genre.

At the lake, they are met by a guy named Clay (Jared Padalecki…and now I’m gonna try and keep myself from trying to make Supernatural references) that’s been searching for his sister Whitney. Well, now, doesn’t that name sound familiar…

ANYWAY, the new group ends up spending their time in various ways…one of them (Jenna, played by Danielle Panabaker) agrees to help Clay search for his sister. Two of the others (Nolan and Chelsea/Ryan Hansen and Willa Ford) go wake boarding…only to be killed by Jason. Ultimately, just about everyone gets killed by Jason: Bree (Julianna Guill), Trent (dude whose cabin they were going to, played by Travis Van Winkle), Chewie (probably one of my two favorites in this movie, aside from Jason, played by Aaron Yoo), Lawrence (another fun character, portrayed by Arlen Escarpeta), Jenna…

At the end, Clay and Whitney are the only survivors. They’ve even managed to take down Jason using Whitney’s resemblance to a young Pamela as a distraction. However, they don’t seem to realize that they’re in a Friday the 13th movie, and that Jason will only keep coming back… And so, as they prepare to leave, Jason does his best imitation of a stripper popping out of a cake (except for the part where he’s fully clothed and homicidal and wearing a hockey mask and bursting out of a wooden dock rather than a delicious confection) and decides “HELL NO, mommy 2.0 isn’t leaving ME anytime soon!” and latches onto Whitney. It’s reminiscent of the original film’s ending, where Final Girl-Alice is in a boat, only to be pulled into the water by a young Jason.

But there, it was left ambiguous as to whether or not Jason dragging someone into the water was a dream (at first, anyway). Here, it’s left ambiguous as to whether or not Jason fully pulls Whitney into the water or if she and Clay manage to fight him off or if he manages to kill both of them or what.

So, all in all, I’d rate this movie about…3 out of 5 or so? To be honest, my ratings may be a bit arbitrary because…well, I’m terrible at that kind of thing and wanted to try something different and since I have a ton of horror DVDs lying around, it felt like a good idea to do something productive with ‘em, and…yeah. Either way, I do get some enjoyment out of this movie. Is it in my top 10? No. But it’s still a good way to pass the time. Trying to decide which one to go for next week.

  1. I remember seeing that on opening night. The crowd cheered when Jason actually ran. It was fun, especially when the guy dressed as Freddie Kreuger walked into the theater. Now I wonder if Supernatural made any references to this movie.


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