Untitled Alien Story

Posted: January 3, 2017 in Uncategorized

So, this started out with a 33 word challenge in a Facebook group. And then I decided to expand it into a full story. A full, ridiculous, but fun-to-write story. From Travis’ POV. Which means, of course, language.

You’ve been warned.

I’m gonna be honest here: I’ve been abducted, like, tons of times. Usually by labs. But aliens? That one’s new. And since I’m not exactly what you’d call “human”…

See how it goes?

Okay, let me back it up a little, here. Some people are probably wondering “How’d you end up with the aliens?” People that know me are likely asking that same question, but with a roll of the eyes and the bonus question of “What did that dumbass get himself into this time?”

It’s not like the day started off all that differently from any other. Headed to work, then left for the nearest pizza place when lunch rolled around. They knew my usual order there, so I pulled out my phone to let them know that I was on the way.

Once my order was in, I found myself facing a road block. Apparently, there was some construction going on, or whatever.

Fair enough, I guess. I turned the corner to take a detour. The nearest detour was some kind of back alley. Back alleys never led to anything good, in my experience. There was usually some kind of van waiting for me, with five or so people inside with lab coats and tranquilizers. They keep having to up the dosage on those by now, I think.

But instead, I saw something on the ground.

…Was that a trail of candy bars?

As much as I want to think I’m smarter than that. Much as I’d love to believe that there was no way I’d fall for such an obvious trap…

Well, I figured I wouldn’t be able to avoid being picked up by someone, anyway. My luck has taught me that much. So, I started picking up the trail, thinking that if I was going to spend an unknown amount of time in a fucking lab, I’d at least have some chocolate to help get through it.

When I got to the last one, everything went a bright green color. Like, a blinding lime green. And then?

Ugh, there’s a gap there…

Not sure what happened in that gap, but when I could see straight again, I was in a silver-colored, way-too-clean-for-comfort sort of area. Not only that, but I wasn’t really able to move…well, anything.

The hell HAD I gotten myself into, here?

Looking around, I noticed that…oh, big fucking surprise: I was strapped down. This shouldn’t surprise me at all. It really shouldn’t.

I let out a few monkey noises. Mainly because I was pretty sure that outright yelling “Yo, fuckface!” wasn’t gonna make me that many friends around there. The straps themselves felt…almost liquid-y, but I couldn’t break through.

And my pants were missing.

This was either going to get really twisted, really fun, or some weird combination of both.

After a while, I didn’t hear anyone else around. Didn’t see anyone. And so, I decided to try and get someone’s attention. Stopped making monkey sounds and just yelled as loud as I could.

“YO, FUCKFACE!!! MIND EXPLAINING SOMETHING?!”

Something slammed down on my face. I couldn’t see what it was…which was weird, because it was at an angle that I should’ve been able to see SOMETHING. A low, hissing whisper filled the air, followed by three more in other tones. But they didn’t sound like words. At least, not like words I could understand.

One of these invisible things grabbed my hair and started studying it…I think? Damn, y’know, it is REALLY hard to see what someone’s doing to you if you can’t see them in the first place. That’s something I’d never thought about before that incident.

“Um…so, what’s going on here and why am I naked?” I asked.

Gurgling, and what felt like a tongue tracing its way down my body.

I tried to at least put a face to that feeling. Yeah, maybe I could imagine Ivy…

Aw, dammit, I’d imagined Spencer…

The whole thing was just really confusing and uncomfortable and I tried pulling out of the straps again. And that was when something bit me on the side. I lashed out at it with whatever I could. They hadn’t strapped my tail down, at least.

Amateurs!

I think I managed to knock the thing away from me, before I got back to pulling against the straps. I had to break a thumb to pull a hand free, but it was a start. Nobody (as far as I knew, of course) tried to stop me. Maybe they were studying me?

Well, I sure as hell gave them something to study, now didn’t I?

It took a while, but I managed to get off of the table, and kicked to the side. I didn’t see what I hit, but I definitely hit something. And it licked my leg. I REALLY have no idea where their tongues are located, and I’m not sure I want to know…

Either way, once I was free, I started running through the ship and looking for some way to hijack the thing. I needed to get home, and as soon as possible. Y’know, somewhere that didn’t feel horrible and awkward?

Turns out, the ship wasn’t exactly huge, and the control console was right in the middle of it.

It also turns out that the buttons and screens and all that? Yeah, they weren’t exactly readable. So, I took a few breaths and thought of what to push first…

There was a huge red button that stood out to me, and I moved to slam my hand down on it. Something wrapped around my waist and tried to pull me away, but I got a good solid hit in on the button.

Sirens started going off.

Probably not a good thing…

“Aw, son of a…that’s the self-destruct button, you idiot!”

I blinked. “Whoa, hey, hold up…you fucking speak ENGLISH?!” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“Then explain what this was all about!”

A sigh, then the voice started to explain something about a bet with some frat buddies, some idiot setting off a cloaking device, and picking up an Earth specimen for shits and giggles.

As he explained it, the alarm kept going off. I was shoved out of the way of the controls, and some tinkering with the controls caused the alarm to stop blaring.

“Soooooooo…can I go home now?” I asked.

“Get to a pod and get the fuck out, please.”

“But where would I find a p—“

“JUST GO!”

I muttered to myself, walking off in search of a pod. I stopped and turned around again.

“But can I have my pants back first?!”

My jeans were hurled right into my face, along with a pair of boxers. I held the boxers and squinted a little.

“Hey…uh, these aren’t mine!”

“PLEASE wear them…the fact that you go commando disgusts us!”

I rolled my eyes and flung them right at what I hoped was the guy that just insulted my body. But I pulled the jeans on and got back to my pod search. After a while, I found what looked like a big-ass egg.

“Yo, THIS IT?!” I called.

“Yes. Now get out!”

I messed with the pod a little, soon getting it open and making my way in. It was cramped and smelled like a locker room. But I looked for the controls.

There were none, and I could feel it being launched off of the ship. I could feel myself screeching as loudly as possible, and hoped that it’d all end soon.

I don’t remember much between the launch and landing…

Actually, I woke up when Spencer got into the hospital room. And then when he asked me what had happened, I told him the whole story… Y’know, the story I just told whoever’s reading this.

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